KYIV, MYKRAINE—In what is being described as the “Really Big Deal”, President Donald Trump held a press conference this morning with Russian President Putin to announce that he now personally owns the Ukraine and it is being renamed ‘Trump Mykraine’.
Trump: “I met late last night in an emergency meeting with Russian President Putin and hammered out a ‘Deal’ that will avoid Russia invading the Ukraine. If the Russian army wants to come in now, that’s fine but they will have to make a reservation at one of my new hotels in Kyiv or at my new Trump MyKraine Resort and Spa.
The Russian President announced that he was pleased with the outcome. He felt he could maybe have done a little better on some of the details, especially the country switching to cash bars with a two drink minimum but overall said his team did the best they could against the world’s leader on dealmaking.
President Trump’s team has not released all the details however it was noted that AOC was escorted by Tucker Carlson and Peter Doocy, Fox employees, to a flight to Moscow early this morning.
Also, the price of expensive Russian Vodka dropped 35% on New York trading.
The Biden administration assured all Americans that they were still in talks with the Taliban and had gotten the guards holding American hostages in Kabul to switch from hourly, to salary, a huge cost saving effort and a huge step for Biden.