WASHINGTON, DC—Top General Mark Milley said that, in retaliation for the Ukraine invasion, the US military is prepared to mount an all out attack on Russia by misgendering their troops “until they quit invading stuff.”

“Our number one priority right now is to make Russia feel the worst pain possible,” Milley said in hearing on Capitol Hill today. “And that means that we will deploy misgendering to the fullest extent we can.”

Milley was the mastermind behind the perfect US withdrawal from Afghanistan that left $80 billion in advanced weaponry for the enemy. He plans on making a similar mark on Russia.

“We’ve already sent $80 billion in weapons to Ukraine in order to leave for the Russians when they take over. But that’s our backup plan. We fully foresee the misgendering to cause too much pain for them to keep invading stuff,” Milley said.

President* Biden said that he fully endorses the plan as the commander in chief.

“They won’t know what hit them, really,” Biden said.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts