US—In a miraculous turn of events, Vladimir Putin has eradicated COVID-19 from the face of the earth by invading Ukraine.
The two seemingly unrelated events were confirmed after all mainstream media outlets have switched to airing stories about the tragedies in Ukraine instead of the worst disease to ever strike mankind.
In related news, America’s Doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has gone missing.
“Lots of people are worried about the invasion of a sovereign country, but I’m ecstatic because it means we don’t have to worry about the incessant fear porn about COVID all the time,” Hoboken resident Charles DeGaul said.
Experts say that cases are still very high, but that the disease is officially eradicated and we need to focus on Putin now.
“I’m so glad it’s over,” one COVID patient in New York said. “It’s a big relief. I just can’t believe what Putin’s doing over there!”