Sen. Elizabeth Warren, front runner for the 2020 Democratic nomination for president has shocked the US political landscape by withdrawing from her candidacy. Warren, who is known as Pocahontas, will now only be running for Commander in Chief—or just Chief, as she wants to be called.

“After really thinking about this over a peace pipe,” Warren said tearfully in an interview, “I’ve decided to drop out of the race for president and focus only on becoming the American Chief.”

The move is clearly based in her desire to get back to her Native American roots and was no doubt inspired by her amazing celebration of Indigenous Peoples’ Day in which Warren scalped 6 of her political enemies.

Warren’s withdrawal from the race leaves a gaping hole for Hillary Clinton to sneak back into the race to be the first woman ever to be beaten by Trump twice.

“We really wanted her to be president,” a supporter said, “but Chief is what really matters, so I guess it’s okay.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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