Burly war veteran brutalized by little old lady’s prayers


A burly, bearded war veteran was brutalized by a little old lady saying prayers in broad daylight.

The victim, Brian Sims, was relentlessly and violently accosted by prayers for peace and kindness by the elderly woman, according to several eyewitnesses.

“It just came out of nowhere,” one bystander said of the incident. “When it was all done, the poor victim was absolutely paralyzed and bloody.”

The alleged perpetrator is a 93-year-old resident of a nearby neighborhood, and is said to be armed with a rosary.

Some said that the little lady couldn’t hurt a fly but that somehow she was able to destroy the big man all by herself.

“I mean, sure, I’m a 230-pound football player veteran,” Sims said in a police testimony, “but, I want my mommy.”


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