CDC announces if you wear two swim suits you can pee in the pool this summer

ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer.

“If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like,” CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released the updated guidance Tuesday in yet another carefully calibrated step on the road back to normal from the fear-mongering over last year’s epidemic.

The news comes just before many children and even adults head back to the community pools to relieve themselves.

“We’re all about mitigation of disease and we want you to know that if you wear two bathing suits, you’re going to keep your pee on you and not spread it like some sailor on shore leave after a pint of tequila,” Walensky said.

The CDC, which has been cautious in its guidance during the crisis, essentially endorsed what many Americans have already been doing over the past several weeks.

“I already wear three swim suits and urinate in the pool already,” San Diego resident Jack Ace said. “I’m a responsible person.”