CNN: Nation mourns horrible tragedy that mass shooter wasn’t white

GENESIUS TIMES

(CNN) Thousands across the country are mourning the loss by the mainstream media of another chance to stoke the white supremacist narrative following another mass shooting yesterday, which turns out was not perpetrated by a CIS-gendered white male as originally hoped.

The new information has devastated the media, sending reporters wallowing in an endless stream of tears and disappointment, since their efforts to exploit another mass shooting had failed.

“We were so excited over initial reports that the shooter was a white guy,” CNN’s Brian Stelter said on his show. “We could’ve exploited the shooting like we always do to lecture Americans about the dangers of whiteness, white supremacy and also push for more gun-control.”

“Imagine my disappointment, then, when I find out the shooter was actually… ethnic. That totally eviscerated our narrative. So we’re no longer covering the story any further.”

Deadspin’s Julie DiCaro was reportedly so distraught by the news, she said, “I hope and pray that the next mass shooting is committed by a white guy.”

We at the Genesius Times express our condolences to the media during this difficult time. Our thoughts and prayers are with CNN right now.

close

"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.