CNN: Car mostly-peacefully drives itself into Magdeburg Christmas market
GERMANY—A car, seemingly driven by the spirit of Christmas itself, embarked on a "mostly peaceful" journey through the Magdeburg Christmas...
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CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine
President John F. Kennedy was reportedly startled by loud noises and tripped, falling in his limousine during a motorcade through...
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas
On this day in 1963, the nation collectively held its breath as President John F. Kennedy embarked on what would...
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant...
BREAKING: Newly pregnant AOC to have abortion on CNN to boost ratings
ATLANTA—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has agreed to appear on CNN for a special episode titled "Abortion on the Air: AOC's Decision."...
Kamala responds to 3-hour-longTrump interview on Joe Rogan with 18 minutes of her cackling at questions she can’t answer
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and late-night comedians thanking their lucky...
BREAKING CNN: Trump speech interrupted by mostly peaceful assassination attempt
Former President Donald Trump rudely cut his speech at his Butler, Pennsylvania rally short after some people said they heard popping...
White House politely asks enemies to not start WWIII between 4pm and 10am
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move aimed at accommodating President* Biden's cognitive awareness schedule, the White House has formally requested that all...
BREAKING: Biden Hires Jeffrey Toobin to Help Him Become a “Master Debater”
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold move to enhance his debate skills ahead of the upcoming presidential election, President* Joe Biden has...
New rules for CNN debate: Trump will be in a sound-proof glass room and only be able to respond using sign language
ATLANTA—In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, CNN has announced that it will be implementing new rules for its...
