Cuomo blames COVID for NYC crime wave caused by his early felon release

Cuomo just released another thousand or so violent felons into the population to keep them safe. Crime skyrockets and a virus is to blame?

The most obvious tell was when Cuomo started each task force meeting with “It wasn’t me” by Shaggy.

OK. Let’s say we released a thousand Franciscan Monks into the NY population. A crimewave? I don’t think so. And not ‘fa Nuthin’ but those robes are totally cool. Where can I get a paint color like that for my bedroom?

How about releasing a thousand Hari Krishna people? Nice song, catchy lyrics, uh, a bit repetitive, but are these people gonna rape and pillage all the people in Grand Central Station? Nah. BTW, tambourines are deadly weapons in the right hands. Remember Oddjob’s bowler hat?

Oddjob - James Bond Characters

Releasing a thousand more gay people into NY would definitely make it more fabulous, but violent crime? Plus IMHE models show 100% of New Yorkers are already gay, down from 110%.

What about COVID-MS-13? Uh, hold on…….never mind.

But just last week a novel strain of COVID-19, the novel COVID-20-to-life has been discovered in the Big Apple. And who’s ‘vulnerable? All those newly released violent felons, courtesy of ‘Safety First’ Cuomo.

At today’s NY Task Force Cuomo said, “Hey look, most of the rapists and murderers are just like you and me, just more rapey and stabby. And what about C-20-to-life? That’s what’s doing it ‘ya know. That strain targets violent felons and makes ’em do stuff. Really really bad stuff.”

“And look, the treatment for C-20-to-life is the same as the conversion therapy we give to gays, only with higher voltage. Once we open NY sometime around Christmas 2025 we won’t have to social distance. Why? ‘Cause there won’t be anybody around once we empty the prisons. Let’s be smart about this folks!”