MIDDLE EAST—Emmy winner and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo scored another award this week as Al-Qaeda honored him with their Jihadi of the Year prize for killing more Americans than they ever have–three times as many Americans as the terrorist organization did on 9/11.
“We really thought we outdid everybody with our attacks on 9/11,” Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri said. “We thought nobody would ever be able to pull off something equivalent or worse than our attacks.
“But you know, Cuomo did it and more power to him. He did an amazing job, so our hats off to the scumbag infidel. He will take home the golden grenade launcher.
“Next year’s contestants are really going to have to work harder. I know some Jihadis that are aiming for Cuomo’s record as we speak – it’ll be carnage and murder on a scale never seen before.”
Cuomo humbly accepted the award. “Sure I was the one who murdered all those senior citizens, but I made sure to do it while wearing a mask and social distancing.”
Following the slogan, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” Al-Qaeda officially hired Cuomo as its new leader.
Cuomo will be staring in the hit new show next year called “How I Killed Your Grandmother.”