In a stunning display of political correctness and a commitment to progressive values, Democrats have officially denounced homophobia and boldly declared that what transpires between two men in the privacy of a public Senate hearing room is absolutely none of our business.

In a press conference that left everyone scratching their heads, Democratic leaders passionately spoke out against discrimination based on homos filming gay porn in a US federal building. “We believe in equality, justice, and the fundamental right for individuals to be themselves,” declared Senator Chuck Schumer. “And that includes what happens behind closed doors in the hallowed halls of our government.”

The Democrats’ newfound commitment to privacy, of course, extends only to situations involving senators and their potentially amorous activities. The rest of us common folk, with our pedestrian concerns about privacy, are still out of luck.

In a unanimous statement, the Democrats proclaimed, “We must put an end to homophobia in all its forms, and that includes judging what goes on in our Senate hearing rooms. Love is love, and who are we to say what is acceptable behind those soundproof walls?”

The press conference took an unexpected turn when an intrepid reporter asked if the Democrats were advocating for all public spaces to be treated with such nonchalance. “I mean, what’s next? Should we just ignore what happens in the White House bedrooms or the janitor’s closet at the local library?” The reporter’s skepticism was met with an uncomfortable silence, broken only by the sound of crickets and nervous shuffling.

Schumer recovered with a well-rehearsed smile, stating, “Let’s not get carried away now. We’re talking about the Senate here, the epitome of democracy. What happens in other places is, well, a matter for another discussion.”

Political analysts are speculating about the Democrats’ strategic move to champion privacy in such a peculiar context. Some suggest it’s an attempt to distract from more pressing issues, while others argue it’s a brilliant maneuver to appear open-minded and progressive. Either way, it seems that the Democrats have discovered a newfound passion for the sanctity of Senate hearing room activities.

In a surprising twist, Republicans were quick to respond with their own statement, declaring their commitment to not only combating homophobia but also ensuring that all government spaces, regardless of their purpose, are treated with the same respect for privacy. It appears that, for now, bipartisanship may be found in the most unexpected places—even behind closed doors in a public Senate hearing room.

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