The world awaits the Rapture, or as we now refer to it, ‘THE VACCINE’. That single shot which will turn an ordinary human into a god-like creature, all-knowing, all-seeing, omniscient, reaching perfection. The vaccine will promote hair growth, breast enlargement, genital enhancement, weight loss, and more youthful skin.
Of course we already have vaccines for AIDS, TB, Ebola, SARS, MERS, CMV….. …NO WE DON’T! What makes anybody think we’ll have a vaccine for COVID-19? The Flu shot is only 35 percent effective. Why should we think a C-19 shot will be any better?
Herd immunity is what we need. We already have available herds. Celebrities, House Democrats, the NYT, Walmart parking lots on Black Friday, and Chick-fil-A around noontime, so we should start there.
We already know unused ventilators are being converted into C-19 sneeze spray misters. The Government is forming sneeze spray squads. They start their training by making them say ‘sneeze spray’ 10 times fast. Try it……. Success? Apply online now www.we’realleffed.com or call 1-800-snz-spry. If you do get accepted you’ll be able to say the 8 scariest words in the English language, “I’m from the Government. I’m here to help”.
But there must be an even quicker way to obtain herd-immunity. The Democrats have been thinking about this for awhile and have come up with the best solution to date. Collapse the economy, create hyper-inflation with food shortages, and voila, Civil War.
What better way to get our entire population out of their basements and mingling with hand-to-hand combat? Knock the population down to around 100,000 or so and boom, herd immunity. Sounds crazy, right?………. Really?