WASHINGTON, DC—Without much to celebrate, Democrats turned to the old failsafe of the president not dying during the speech as something to cheer.

“I gotta be honest, Biden sounded like a complete moron—calling Ukrainians Iranians, mumbling and stuttering. But hey, at least he didn’t die,” Senate majority Leader Chuck Schumer said.

In a remarkable turn of events, Democrats across the nation have praised President Joe Biden for not dying during his recent State of the Union address. The event, which was held in the Capitol Building, saw the president deliver a rousing speech to a captivated audience, all while defying the odds by not succumbing to death on national television.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) led the chorus of praise, stating that “President Biden’s ability to deliver a powerful speech without dying is truly a testament to his resilience and commitment to the American people.” Jeffries went on to say that “the president’s stamina is unmatched, and his refusal to die during such an important speech is a shining example of his dedication to our great nation.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) echoed Pelosi’s sentiments, calling Biden’s survival “a miracle” and “a beacon of hope for all who believe in the power of perseverance.” Ocasio-Cortez also noted that “the president’s refusal to die during this crucial moment in our nation’s history is a powerful reminder that we should never give up, no matter the challenges we face.”

As the nation continues to celebrate President Biden’s miraculous survival, political analysts have noted that this unexpected development could have significant implications for the upcoming midterm elections. With Biden’s popularity soaring due to his refusal to die, Democrats are optimistic that they will be able to maintain control of Congress and continue to push forward with their progressive agenda.

In a statement to the press, President Biden expressed his gratitude for the outpouring of support, stating that “it’s truly humbling to know that my fellow Americans are so invested in my continued survival. I promise to do everything in my power to continue defying the odds and serving this great nation to the best of my ability.”

As the country celebrates Biden’s miraculous survival, one thing is clear: the president’s resilience has become a symbol of hope and strength for all Americans, regardless of their political affiliation.

_{Originally published February 7, 2023.}

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