Fatalities mount as people run into plexiglass that wasn’t there yesterday

First there was ‘sexiglass‘ the barrier that was placed between consenting adults. Maynard G. Crabs explained to GT, “The hole for my Johnson was so big I felt a little intimidated, but the great thing about sexiglass is that we immediately used it as a slip-n-slide for us and the kids since it already had plenty of lubrication. That really saved some big bucks on our water bills this month”

But emergency rooms are now having to turn away COVID-19 patients and put them in nursing homes. Why? They are being overwhelmed by plexiglass fatalities. In fact, nursing homes are now so full of C-19 patients they have been forced to place three or four patients in every bed. The good news is that dirty old men are pretty much OK with that. The bad news is the 90 percent turnover rate and shortage of cold storage units.

The most common injury seems to be noses that have been pushed inside out. Dr. Billy Rubin from UCSF Medical Center did claim that several people who did not immediately die from their injury were quite pleased with their newfound nasal challenge since they could walk around downtown San Francisco with newfound confidence.

The other common injury noted were smashed fingers as people trying to pay for items not knowing there was a panel between them and the cashier. Ms. Lucinda Moneypenny, a local cashier, stated, “We now have at least one or two ambulances at all times waiting for someone to lose a few fingers and maybe their whole hand trying to pay.”

Ms. Moneypenny continued, “We try to warn them but nobody can hear us through the plexiglass! I always have an ice pack or two at the ready especially for the smashed foreheads. People writhing in pain from smashed fingers tend to smash their heads too. It’s kinda funny. During our breaks we all have a good laugh. It makes our day, which is why we try to clean the barrier as often as we can. I now look forward to coming to work every day just to see the EMT’s. They’re hot!”