PARIS—In a groundbreaking move that has left the international community reeling, the French government has announced its decision to embrace a new strategy for dealing with the country’s long-standing reputation for cowardice. President Emmanuel Macron has declared that the nation will now systematically euthanize newborn babies, in a bid to prevent them from growing up to be the kind of spineless, defeatist adults that have so often surrendered in the face of adversity. 

The decision, which has been met with both shock and admiration, is seen as a bold and innovative approach to a problem that has long plagued the French nation. As Macron himself explained in a recent press conference, “We have decided to be proactive in addressing our national shortcomings. By eliminating our babies before they have a chance to grow up and surrender to our enemies, we are ensuring that France remains a strong and proud nation.” 

The plan, which has been dubbed “Operation Baby-Kill,” is expected to be rolled out over the coming months, with the government hoping to have all newborns euthanized within the next five years. The move has been hailed as a revolutionary step forward by many prominent French citizens, who have long been frustrated by their country’s perceived weakness. 

Stu Peid, a French citizen who has been vocal in his support of the new policy, expressed his delight at the news. “It’s about time we did something about our national cowardice,” he said. “And what better way to do that than by killing our babies before they have a chance to grow up and surrender to our enemies? I only wish my me’re and pe’re had had this option back in the day, oui?” 

However, not everyone is as enthusiastic about the new policy. Some critics have accused the French government of taking a drastic and unnecessary step, while others have expressed concern about the potential impact on the nation’s birth rate. But Macron remains undeterred, insisting that the plan is a crucial step in the fight to rid France of its cowardly reputation. 

“We are not just a nation of surrender monkeys,” he declared. “We are a nation of proactive, forward-thinking leaders who are not afraid to make tough decisions for the greater good. And if that means killing our babies to save them from the embarrassment of surrendering later on, then so be it.” 

As France prepares to embark on this bold new experiment in national self-improvement, the world will be watching closely to see if this radical approach to addressing the country’s long-standing weaknesses can finally bring an end to the French tradition of surrender.

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