It’s getting real in Michigan. In a bold move to counter lockdown protests, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has changed her name to Karen and wants to speak to the manager of coronavirus.

Whitmer plans on complaining to the manager of coronavirus about thousands of people who defied her orders and dared to peaceably assemble.

She will inform the manager that protesters blocked ambulances with sick people from getting to the hospital, though local authorities have denied the claim.

“I want to speak to the manager,” Karen Whitmer said. “There are thousands of people congregating and not wearing masks, and they are being very rude, demanding something called rights. If you don’t help me, I’m going to file a complaint with corprate headquarters!”

Police watched as horns honked and commercial and private vehicles from around the state jammed Capitol Avenue and other streets surrounding Michigan’s seat of government in Lansing.

“There was even someone—this is horrifying—handing out candy with bare hands,” Whitmer said.

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