Governor Andrew Cuomo rolls out ‘Death Tax’ on all living persons in New York


With so many new taxes being proposed by New York it’s difficult to choose the best and brightest ideas. The States’ most creative idea involves imposing a ‘Death Tax’ on everyone living in the state. Gov. Cuomo declared, “I mean, why wait? They’re gonna die eventually. We can tax ’em before they leave and maybe they won’t notice we tax ’em to death already?”

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has not only signed into law a new tax on people who ‘look up’, his so-called “Star-Gazer Tax“, but has a new tax agenda for NY State that should pretty much empty the state before the 2020 election. Florida and Texas have been put on notice.

One proposal would place an inconspicuous coin box on every bathroom door in every home in the State. For only a dime each resident would get access to their own bathroom and once a week a ‘tax consultant’ would enter the home, collect the coins and discuss all the benefits to the homeowner, in particular, bladder and bowel control. Potential money-saving ideas will also be introduced such as how to avoid hugging the porcelain god after a night of drinking, novel uses for the kitchen sink and the benefits of outdoor evacuation in your neighbor’s yard.

Under discussion is the so-called ‘Activity Tax’. Each NY State resident would have a pedometer implanted subcutaneously in each buttcheek and wirelessly connected to the servers presently located in a bathroom closet within Hillary Clinton‘s Chappaqua residence. The data will be protected by Kasperski, located in Moscow, but in no way affiliated with Vladamir Putin or the Kremlin.

The newest tax, ‘Exhalation Tax’ places a very small device in each nostril to measure CO2 output. NY State Tax Collector, I. Wanitall, claimed it’s the best way to control climate change. Clothespin Makers of America initially sponsored the bill. “We will send out thousands of ‘mouth breathers’ throughout the State to teach residents how to hold their breath. “Not only will this mitigate impending Climate Collapse but will create a whole bunch of competitive Olympian underwater swimmers.

And finally, a ‘Sleeping Tax’ will be implemented by placing pressure-sensitive pads under each mattress in the State. I. Wanitall proclaimed, “We need our residents working, not sleeping, and this way if they work 18 hours a day they can avoid that nasty tax.” Nevada, Wyoming and South Dakota were put on notice.


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