WASHINGTON, DC—Call her a power-hungry prostitute or a tyrannical communist, but you cannot call President Vice-President Kamala Harris a hypocrite after she ordered her Secret Service detail to only use approved NERF guns to protect her as she campaigns to ban guns across the country.

“There is no reason why we have assault weapons on the streets of a civil society. They are weapons of war. They are designed to kill a lot of people quickly,” Harris said. “That’s why I’ve instructed my Secret Service detail to carry only non-lethal NERF guns like the ones your kids use to protect me from now on.”

The push comes shortly after the national tragedy that a mass shooter was identified as a leftist Muslim instead of a white supremacist.

“Guns like these do not need to be out here. That’s why I’m going to make sure only criminals and illegal immigrants will have them,” Harris said.

Harris is currently pushing for new gun laws including a trade where the government will give you a brand new Nerf Rampage N-Strike Elite Toy Blaster with 25 Dart Drum Slam Fire & 25 Official Elite Foam Darts in exchange for any actual gun you own.

Many have criticized the move, saying that even NERF guns send the wrong message and that the Secret Service should be replaced with trained social workers.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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