BREAKING: Biden replaces Secret Service detail with super friendly social workers

WASHINGTON DC–A longtime proponent of “redirecting” police funds, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is putting his money where his mouth is. From this point on, Biden has replaced his Secret Service detail with empathetic social workers.

“We don’t need the police with all the guns shooting up the place everywhere,” Biden said through his translator. “All we need is love, man.”

Biden’s Secret Service detail of at least six highly trained security personnel, which has been with him since he served as Vice President in the Obama administration will be replaced with 62-year-old Betsy Long, MSW and 43-year-old Billie Hermez, MFT.

Biden campaign Rapid Response Director Andrew Bates said, “He hears and shares the deep grief and frustration of those calling out for change, and is driven to ensure that justice is done and that we put a stop to this terrible pain.”

“I love my new role,” Long said. “I miss my 17 cats, but it’s important for me to be a part of the changing world, ushering in peace and love in the faceof all this bad mojo.”

Biden in an interview with Now This also said he believes it is the job of the federal government to “go in” and “systemically change what’s going on.”