Kim Jong Un’s surgeons regret to inform the world that they failed to keep Dear Leader alive

As rumors continue to swirl about the health of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, his surgeons, two Americans have announced to the world they they unfortunately have failed to keep him alive during his quintuple bypass heart surgery.

A source told a Hong Kong broadcast journalist that Kim is dead, while Japanese weekly magazine Shukan Gendai reported Friday that Kim is in a “vegetative state” following a heart operation earlier this month.

Kim’s surgeons, Dr. Aaron Rapaport and Dr. Dave Skylark gave the briefing from a secure location in South Korea after getting the hell out of Dodge following the operation.

Sources say that Kim did not have any information that would incriminate Hillary Clinton, but that his death may not be accidental.

Millions of North Koreans prepared to fake cry for weeks as the news spread.

The official news agency for North Korea, The Communist News Network (CNN), has not aired any statement regarding Dead Leader’s health.