LEAKED: Taylor Swift contract to endorse Kamala Harris for $100,000 and lifetime supply of adrenochrome
NEW YORK—A leaked contract has revealed that pop megastar Taylor Swift is allegedly set to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris for president in 2024 in exchange for $100,000 and a lifetime supply of adrenochrome. The bizarre political deal that has Twitter in a frenzy appears to be both a financial and highly “selective” health supplement arrangement.
The document, which Genesius Times has confirmed as legitimate, outlines Swift’s deal to publicly endorse Harris at major campaign events, lending her influence and massive fanbase to the Vice President’s increasingly shaky presidential bid. In addition to the $100,000 payout, Swift is set to receive an unlimited supply of adrenochrome—popular among blood-sucking elites.
A spokesperson for the Harris campaign scrambled to downplay the leak. “This is a perfectly normal celebrity endorsement agreement,” insisted Ihay Twitey, Harris’s campaign manager, while furiously scrolling through Google searches for “What is adrenochrome?” “We believe Taylor Swift’s influence will help us reach a younger, more enthusiastic voter base. The adrenochrome? We think that’s just… you know, some kind of vitamin supplement.”
The Harris camp appears eager to milk the Swift endorsement for all it’s worth, with rumors swirling that Swift’s greatest hits will soon be revamped into political anthems, including You Belong With Me (And Kamala) and a remix of Bad Blood to highlight Harris’s anti-Trump credentials.
Social media exploded following the leak, with Twitter users from across the political spectrum weighing in. While die-hard Swifties seemed more focused on the music, QAnon conspiracy theorists jumped on the adrenochrome angle. “WE KNEW IT!!” one user posted. “Kamala, Taylor, and the entire Hollywood elite—they’re all in on the adrenochrome pipeline!!!”
Despite the outlandish reaction online, political insiders insist this is just another day in the increasingly surreal world of 2024 election politics. “Look, celebrities endorse politicians all the time. Sometimes they want money, sometimes they want, uh, health supplements,” said one anonymous Democratic strategist, trying to suppress laughter. “We need Taylor’s fans to show up, and if this is what gets them there, well, no one can say the Harris campaign lacks creativity.”
Critics on both sides of the aisle have voiced their concern over the optics of the deal, with even some Swifties finding the arrangement unsettling. “I knew Taylor was business savvy, but I thought she’d hold out for something less… I dunno, blood-related?” one fan tweeted.
Meanwhile, the Harris campaign seems to be moving full speed ahead with the endorsement strategy. “Taylor Swift is a cultural icon,” Twitey said in a statement, “and we’re confident that this partnership will energize a diverse coalition of voters—especially those with a good skincare regimen.”
The most pressing question, however, remains: Will this unconventional deal actually help Harris win over the youth vote? “We’ve got a few tricks up our sleeve,” said Twitey with a wink. “Let’s just say that if the adreno doesn’t win them over, the chrome just might.”
As the Harris-Swift alliance unfolds, one thing is clear: the 2024 race is shaping up to be the most unusual—and potentially adrenalized—election season in history.
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