Mitt Romney to assume the name ‘Pierre Diablo’ and move to Antarctica

Talk about ‘persona non grata’, Mitt Romney has earned that in spades as the most reviled Republican Senator in US history. His party, family, dead ancestors, live ancestors, 13 wives, Church elders, pizza delivery guys, paperboy and even the guy who mends his special Mormon underwear have united against him. Scrawled on his sidewalk, ” Mitt the S^*t” was the last straw.

Through his Twitter handle, Pierre Delecto, he applied to the French Embassy for asylum. Their reply was pithy and immediate, “Non! No asylum for you, Comebackoneyear.” Not to be denied, he applied in person, rejected out of hand, challenged to a duel, and critically wounded saved only by the buttons on his special LDS underwear.

Next on the hit list was Venezuela. After meeting with Nicolas Maduro, one of the most repulsive people on Earth today, the Venezuelan dictator told Romney, “My people hate me and wish me dead. But I gotta tell ‘ya buddy, I wouldn’t be you fa nothin’ right now. You suck so bad at being a Senator. Just so ‘ya know, we have a few openings right now on LinkedIn looking for reviled despicable incompetent boobs and guess what, your name came up first. Just sayin’.”

GT has just uncovered a letter to Adam Schiff from Romney just after his vote to convict Trump, “Hey Ad, Mitt here, looking for a place to crash for a few years, uh, like four years or so. I have so much respect for you and your party. Even though my application to join your party was summarily rejected, I’m so darn good looking, and have such deep respect for myself, I really belong in your district of Beverly Hills and Hollywood. Watcha say there? What do you have to lose? Oops, did I just say that? Sorry.”

Of course, Mitt requested asylum in the Vatican, with a rather curt reply from the Pope, “Oy, you ‘gotta be kiddin’ me? An untrustworthy backstabbing low life like you? Fuhgedaboutdit. Get lost.” Followed by, “Bless you my son. Well not really but I ‘gotta say that even though you suck.”

After countless refusals, there was really no place for poor Mitt to go, so he booked a one-way ticket to Antarctica with the blessing of everyone in America. Should GT hear from him again, we will as always keep you informed. But honestly, we hope never to hear from him again.