MOUNTAINVIEW, CA—Apple has announced a radical leap forward in information access and a racial leap forward in social justice with the Apple iCollar.
An Apple spokesperson told Genesius Times, “White people make ‘racial’ mistakes all the time due to their privilege. It’s not really intentional, just they’re not racially educated. Now, they don’t have to risk the embarrassment of awkward situations. Accepting a nice table in a restaurant or the boss’ unused box seats at the game. The things white people take so for granted…
Enter Warden, your constant companion to help you navigate through all of those unseen racial mines. Warden monitors your every move, follows you throughout the day.
“A first violation just prompts a simple explanation of where you went south. A second of the same issue may invoke an electronic reminder. Not more than a pin prick really… oops, you probably forgot. Repeating the same offense may move you into ‘detention class’ with a slightly more jarring shock… but it’s still okay. No harm, no foul… sort of.”
Apple iCollar goes on sale this Black Friday. They thought is was the perfect time and the perfect way… and yes, it still gives directions and tells you how fat you are.
*iCollar Will not interfere with your face muzzle.
Originally published November 16, 2020.