BREAKING: New York declares State of Emergency, erects wall to keep taxpayers from leaving the state

New York, N.Y.—A contingent of New York politicians who celebrated Amazon’s decision to not build their second headquarters in the state declared a ‘State of Emergency’ Saturday as the last New Yorker who actually pays taxes left for Florida.

“It’s just selfish,” said N.Y. Rep Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. “If you don’t want to pay your fair share or a bunch of other people’s fair shares too, you’re just greedy.”

Gov. Cuomo said the state will be insolvent and have to declare bankruptcy if they don’t figure out a way to keep taxpayers there.

Presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren suggested they build a wall to stop the migration from New York to other states. “We don’t need a wall to stop welfare recipients from entering the state. That would be immoral. But to keep high income earners here—that’s exactly what walls are for!” And then she started doing an Indian rain dance.

Ocasio-Cortez added a new section to her Green New Deal that stipulated every high-income worker in the country will have to spend at least two years working in New York to help pay for the taxes.

Critics are concerned that the new rules are a little too similar to documents they’ve seen from China, East Germany, and the Soviet Union in the last century.