Content with exactly how things are, New York has recently expanded abortion access and quashed a potential partnership with Amazon.com, the world’s most valuable company. Emboldened by the moves, legislators have approved a new state motto: “New York, We’ll kill your babies and run your business out of town!”

“It’s a little off-putting,” said Daniel Sams of the New York Times, “but so are most New Yorkers. We don’t care what everyone else thinks, so we’re going full force into oblivion with our anti-business culture of death.”

Many outsiders were appalled by the motto.

“I remember when New York was the beacon of new life and prosperity,” Virginia Watkins said of the city. “Now they’re just a bunch of spoiled depraved brats.”

US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez from the Bronx said that the motto was perfect. “Big business is evil, unless that big business is Planned Parenthood, of course.”

Governor Cuomo did not comment on the new motto and just smirked demonically.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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