Newsom shifts all police funding to pay for Aerial Turkey Surveillance Thanksgiving crackdowns


SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has unilaterally defunded all police this week to pay for his Aerial Turkey Surveillance Thanksgiving crackdowns.

Several government agencies throughout the country are following suit to ensuring that the recommendations regarding the “not from China” virus are enforced on Thanksgiving and other gatherings. The COVID-19 Aerial Turkey Surveillance Program or (CATP) for short will empower government bureaucrats to monitor those who do not obey the various and changing regulations regarding the disease that was supposed to be ended after the first lockdown. The summary of this program is as follows.

Cameras and Microphones will be attached to thousands of turkeys that will then be placed onto various aircraft. The CATP planes will deploy the turkeys to fly over various cities and towns where they will hover over and monitor Thanksgiving gatherings. The planes used could vary depending on the location. In places like South Dakota, where Governor Kristi Noem has fought against the COVID lockdown agenda, B2 Stealth Bombers will be used. In Arkansas, where Governor Asa Hutchinson has helped the People’s Republic of China establish several “businesses”, the People’s Liberation Army Air Force (PLAAF) will get to use Xian H-6 Strategic Bombers over the Natural State for the CATP program. Some turkeys will be equipped with other devices such as the turkeys deployed over Guam who have sonar to monitor the island and ensure it does not tip over due to consumption of food during the holidays.

The Chief of Operations for the COVID-19 Aerial Turkey Surveillance Program will be none other than Arthur “Big Guy” Carlson, who was the manager of a radio station in Cincinnati. Although Carlson claims to have “thought of everything” regarding this plan he deserves no credit whatsoever. This idea will now be credited none other than Joe Biden, who after promising to organize trunalimunumaprzure, stated, “that these turkeys deserved jobs after voting for him in several battleground states.”