Nikki Haley wows townhall by chugging hot sauce to match ethnicity of every audience member

IOWA—CNN town hall audience and viewers were treated to a political first, as Nikki Haley kept reaching into her purse and pulling out a bottle of sauce to match the ethnicity of the audience member.

“It was like watching the Food Network meets David Copperfield. She had a bottle of sauce for every culture in her purse!! — BBQ, Tabasco, Soy, Masala, Miso, Mole’, Curry– I could go on. Who knew there were so many different ethnic cuisines and who knew she could fit so many of those bottles in that little purse?” Said Gov. DeSantis

“This is amazing.” Said Gov. Desantis. “She could immediately pull out a bottle of sauce in that tiny purse to match the topic and the race of the audience member. Wow, I tip my hat to her, she is a true blue politician.” He went on. “Call me crazy, but did she shapeshift into a black man?, a farmer?, a tractor?, an illegal immigrant? a corn silo? or was I hallucinating?”

Many CNN viewers were also impressed. “She took Hillary’s idea and made it even more pandering-ier! Amazing, Hot sauce for black vote pandering, Soy sauce for Asians… Mole’ for those Mexicans…WOW!!!.. ” Said CNN superfan, Ray Sist.

It was ratings gold, as Nikki Haley wowed the audience and almost guaranteed at least a 2nd or 3rd place finish before she suspends her campaign. At this point, it’s a race to see which candidate quits first. Like a weird game of “political chicken” where the losers enter into oblivion- never to be seen or heard from again.

Haley vehemently defended herself saying “I don’t feel no ways tarred.” in a weird indiany-ghettoey-southern accent.


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