Emboldened by CNN’s selection of Greta Thunberg to the expert panel on coronavirus, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has issued her statement of expertise on the disease.

“COVID-19 is a horrible disease and it needs to be stopped. With all of my experience in infectious disease and virology, I’ve come to the conclusion that coronavirus can be spread through cow farts,” Ocasio-Cortez said at a virtual press conference.

“Therefore I demand that we implement the Green New Deal initiate the cow fart police immediately.”

Part of Ocasio-Cortez’s environmental plan is to reduce the greenhouse gas methane, which is produced by the digestion of grass in animals like cows. Ocasio-Cortez is certain that by policing cow flatulence, we can now stop coronavirus before the world ends in 12 years.

The Green New Deal is a proposed package of United States legislation that aims to address climate change and economic inequality by making everyone equally poor. The name refers back to the New Deal, a set of social and economic reforms and public works projects undertaken by fascist President Franklin D. Roosevelt, which extended the great depression for 10 years.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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