FAIRVIEW, ALBERTA — Following Justin Trudeau‘s recent ban of 1,500 makes and models of firearms, Canadian officials marked their first violation yesterday.
Following church services, local man Pete Johnstone was headed home when the his five year-old son made a silly comment. Johnnstone allegedly replied “Got it,” winked and pointed a finger gun at him, obviously attempting to murder the innocent child.
Luckily, the Canadian government was there to save the child’s life.
Provincial police and Mounties surrounded Johnstone, pointed their rifles at him and demanded he drop his weapon. When Johnstone refused to comply, screaming “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” 27 government officials shot Johnstone. The suspect died on location.
The local police chief Gary McLean said the suspect was likely to go on a murderous rampage with his infinite finger ammo. “People can’t be trusted with firearms, only the government can and this proves it,” said McLean. “Thanks to Justin Trudeau’s legislation, we saved the lives of every single person in that congregation.”
“How could I not see this coming? I feel like such a fool,” said Pete Johnstone’s wife, Rebecca. “I didn’t realize he was such a monster. At least my family is safe now. Thanks, Justin.”
Reporters asked Justin Trudeau to comment, but the Prime Minister was too busy showing off his socks at an Ottawan mosque to make a statement.