SCRANTON, PA—Puppet strings were clearly visible holding Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden up during a softball townhall hosted by CNN.

Also visible was a ventriloquist’s mouthpiece, presumably used by handlers to convey the desired message.

“It was a little disturbing to see them literally holding him up like a toy,” one audience member said. “But he constructed intelligible several sentences in a row, so I’m going to vote for him.”

The moderator Anderson Cooper congratulated the Biden figure for actually sounding human as he took off his kid gloves following the debate.

Democratic strategists say that this successful townhall demonstrates that they will be able to hold Biden up and make him sound like a normal human being during most situations if elected.

Organizers were worried at one point during the townhall when Biden’s nose started to grow when he was blaming COVID deaths on Donald Trump, but he changed the subject and his nose shrunk again.

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