REPORT: 15 million Biden voters tragically died again before they could vote for Kamala Harris

Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected turn of events, the Harris campaign was dealt a heavy blow today as it was reported that 15 million dedicated Biden voters, once believed lost only to miraculously “reappear” in 2020, tragically passed away just before they could cast ballots for Vice President Kamala Harris.

Campaign insiders are already mourning the loss of the dearly departed, whose unwavering support for the Democratic ticket had become the stuff of legends. “They were loyal voters, through life, death, and even post-life,” said one Harris campaign spokesperson tearfully. “To lose them again, in an election year? It’s devastating.”

Experts believe that the 15 million Biden voters succumbed to a mysterious ailment known as terminal ballotitis, which is said to strike shortly before every election cycle.

The Harris campaign, however, remains determined to honor their loyal posthumous supporters. “We’re not giving up,” said Harris’s press secretary. “If our voters are willing to die twice for us, the least we can do is ensure their voices are heard… again.”

Questions linger about how the sudden passing of these voters may impact Harris’s prospects in key swing states. Data analysts have noted an uptick in demand for “proxy voting” and “spiritual outreach coordinators,” who can help deceased voters find alternate means of casting ballots from beyond the grave. Local authorities in certain states are already considering new “in-memoriam absentee ballots” to maintain the tradition.

Fox News’s Tucker Carlson weighed in, saying, “We’ll have to see how many times they can possibly rise to the occasion. Perhaps they’ll vote again in the next election, and maybe a third time. We all know they’re passionate.” Meanwhile, Democratic strategists are reportedly reworking campaign materials to include the slogan “Vote Now, Vote Often, Vote Forever!”

In the meantime, Harris has pledged to do everything she can to preserve the memory of these legendary voters. Rumors are swirling that a commemorative monument may be built, where volunteers will continually tally imaginary ballots in their honor.

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