WASHINGTON, DC—In light of the endless corruption of the Biden family, Congressional Republicans promised that they’re very close to impeaching him. But they’re not entirely ready yet.

“The Biden family is almost definitely a criminal enterprise,” House Speaker Kevin McCarthy said. “But even with the mountains of evidence supporting this claim, I think we should wait just a bit longer to really make sure that we have a one-hundred percent solid case against Biden, his son Hunter, and Hunter’s associates. Once we have that, we’ll be ready to impeach him. I expect impeachment proceedings to begin in 2048.”

Since Biden is unlikely to live that long, Republicans are constructing a dummy of Biden to take his place during the impeachment proceedings. Critics argued that people might actually confuse the dummy for the real thing, although there really isn’t much of a difference between them.

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Rafi Metz

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