NEWARK, DE—President elect, Joe Biden announced his plan to bring the country back together like the French did in their revolution. He referred to it as the ‘Revolutionary Reset’ and displayed the infamous reset button reminiscent of Hillary Clinton’s propaganda staging with Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

He told us, “C’mon man, you can’t make a French omelet without breaking a few eggs. Before I can put Humpty Country back together, he’s gotta fall off the wall and then I’m gonna scramble him and it’s gonna get messy cause all the little pieces of eggshell gotta be… geez, I’m kinda hungry… Jill? Jill? She cuts the crust off my toast, God bless her.”

Biden’s spokesperson, Che Ocasio-Cortez told us, “We think the French revolution is a good example of what needs to be done. Heads gotta roll. We’re looking for an ideal republic, free from the burdens of kings and lords and senators and billionaires and probably a bunch of thinkers and teachers. Our troops will roll through the streets… and let me just add here that soldiers aren’t really the same as police, so we’re good on that too. Who doesn’t like Eggs Guillotined, right?”

It must be reminded, Robespierre, who headed the French Revolution’s ‘Reign of Terror’ also had a vision of an ideal republic and voiced a similar indifference to it’s cost in human lives.

Bon appetit!

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