WASHINGTON DC–Chief Justice John Roberts introduced the new uniform for all Supreme Court justices including pink robes and a pink “pussy” hat common with cowardly and morally repugnant people.

The uniform change, criticized by some for the strange timing, came shortly after it was reported that Roberts had opposed the Supreme Court hearing the Texas versus Pennsylvania illegal election case because he was afraid they’d riot.

Roberts said that he would have included a pacifier and a “blanky” in the new uniform as well, but he was afraid of riots.

“People will say that I’m impartial to the leftist women’s movement with this uniform change,” Roberts said. “But that’s not true. I’m just a really big pussy and this hat just feels right to me.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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