Sheikh O’Rourke vows to impose jizya tax on gay marriage opponents

During a town hall hosted by CNN, the venerable sheikh Beto O’Rourke explained his plan for bringing critics of the LGBTQ+ community into the fold.  Upon becoming president, he vows to impose a harsh jizya tax on institutions who refuse to recognize same-sex marriages.

“We would never force people to convert to statism.  We are a merciful people,” O’Rourke explained. “However, if these infidels wish to worship any other gods, they must pay tribute so they remember who their true masters are.”

While O’Rourke recognizes people’s freedom to express their own religious views, he claims we must also recognize the state’s supreme authority to extort those who oppose its views.

“It is written in the Qurammunist Manifesto, we must pledge our allegiance to Karl Marx and his teachings.  Those who convert will not have their taxes raised, but we shall seize the means of production from filthy dhimmis who stray from the path of statism.”

Sheikh O’Rourke finished the night with a tirade against neo-nazis and white supremacists “funded by those filthy Israeli pigs.”


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