In a surreal ceremony, President Trump awarded himself the Nobel Peace Prize for not retaliating against a downed drone in Iran.

“The President felt that it was necessary to award himself with one of the highest honors in statesmanship after actually doing something worthy of the Peace Prize,” spokesman Fred Freddieface said. “He had to give it to himself because the morons on the Nobel committee have no interest in peace, just climate change.”

Past recipients include Al Gore for his inaccurate predictions on climate and Barack Obama before he became the President to drone bomb the most people in history.

“I’m a big peace guy,” Trump said. “I’ve got the best peace in the world. It’s really tremendous, the peace I have.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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