In an unexpected move to combat the effects of climate change, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has unveiled a groundbreaking plan: installing marine barriers along the southern border. Greta Thunberg has not responded to our request for comment.

According to the governor, the influx of undocumented immigrants is directly responsible for the catastrophic effects of climate change in the state of Texas. He argues that the collective carbon footprint of these individuals is exacerbating global warming and leading to extreme weather events, such as hurricanes and droughts. By blocking their entry with marine barriers, Abbott believes he can mitigate the environmental impact caused by mass immigration.

Abbott’s innovative solution has left many scratching their heads, wondering how exactly marine barriers can combat climate change. Environmental experts have raised concerns about the efficacy and logic behind this approach, suggesting that addressing the root causes of climate change, such as reducing carbon emissions and promoting sustainable practices, would yield more significant results.

However, Governor Abbott remains resolute in his belief that halting illegal immigration is the key to saving the planet. In a press conference, he stated, “We must prioritize the environment and protect our state from the disastrous consequences of climate change. Opponents of this move must really hate the planet.”

Critics of Abbott’s plan argue that it oversimplifies the complex issue of climate change and attempts to shift the blame onto a single group of people. They highlight the need for comprehensive and science-based approaches to address environmental challenges, rather than scapegoating immigrants.

Meanwhile, marine engineering companies are eagerly awaiting contracts for the construction of the barriers. They have proposed innovative designs, including floating walls, underwater fences, and even deployable seaweed nets. It’s a booming industry that promises to protect Texas from both rising sea levels and the perceived environmental impact of undocumented migration.

As news of Governor Abbott’s unconventional approach spreads, some are questioning whether this is a genuine effort to combat climate change or merely a political move to appease certain voter bases. Regardless of the motivations behind the plan, it has certainly sparked a lively debate and provided ample material for satirists.

So, as Texas prepares to build marine barriers to ward off the dual threats of illegal immigration and climate change, only time will tell whether this bold move will yield the desired results. In the meantime, we can all appreciate the absurdity of a solution that seems to mix up the causes and effects of climate change, leaving us with a lingering question: Will marine barriers become the new symbol of climate action, or will they simply serve as a peculiar footnote in the annals of political history?

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Anita Goodcock

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