Knife crime and terrorism is on the rise in the UK, but thankfully, the authorities have been able to stifle an epidemic of an even worse crime: misgendering. In a raid in Islington, police have arrested a deadly gang of intentional misgenderers.

“We have apprehended the dastardly criminals at home as they were preparing to wreck havoc on the nation by intentionally misgendering people.”

The “Ne’erdowells of Islington” as they were named by neighbors had already misgendered several people in the Underground and in the toilet at a local restaurant.

“Misgendering someone causes serious harm and we as a security force will not stand for it, even as there are people being stabbed and attacked with acid throughout the city. We know our priority and that’s to protect the fragile identity of these transitional people.”

One person of undetermined gender said that they were attacked by the group as they walked past them on Upper Street.

“I was just walking down the street when all of the sudden, someone yelled, ‘Excuse me miss, did you drop this?’ I mean, how dare they? I’m not a miss, I’m a trans-Siberian railway!”

The gang is being held without bail and without barrister as they await trail by ordeal or another fittingly Medieval punishment.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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