US Bobsled team renames their sled ‘Biden’ because nothing has taken America downhill faster

BEIJING—In preparation for the 2022 Winter Olympics, the US bobsled team has named their #1 sled “Biden” because nothing has taken America downhill faster.

“You want to have every advantage possible in bobsledding,” US team member Hakeem Abdul Saboor said. “We just feel that with the name ‘Biden’ on the front of our sled, we’re going to go downhill faster than anything’s ever gone.”

A documentary is in the works about the new “Biden” sled called Poo Runnings.

The US team is now favorites to win in the two-man and four-man events. The women’s team has not yet changed the name of their sleds.

“We didn’t change the name to Biden because frankly, it’s scary to go downhill that fast,” women’s team lead Sylvia Hoffman said. “We’re talking about going downhill faster than anything has ever gone downhill. We’re good but that’s crazy.”

Chinese Olympic Committee members have warned that the bobsled track may not be able to handle something going downhill as fast as a Biden America.

“This is unprecedented. Biden is asshoe!” COC Director Bruce Lee said.


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