WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has been no stranger to gaffs from the campaign to his adorable inability to put a pen in his pocket after killing thousands of jobs during an executive order. But nothing will top his latest gaff.

The puppet strings controlling Biden during most of his public life were actually visible during his latest executive order signing.

“We went with a cotton/spandex string for this signing,” White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain said. “We usually go with nylon and those aren’t visible on the cameras. We’ll be using the nylon from now on to keep this a secret as much as possible.”

Biden was his adorable self during the signing, saying, “Well, I don’t know what I’m signing here.”

Smiling, Vice President Kamala Harris quietly told Biden to “shut the hell up and just obey the puppet master.”

The very non-dictator Biden is now on pace to sign more executive orders in his first month than all his predecessors combined.

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