Mon. Feb 18th, 2019

Americans devastated entire country doesn’t hold their exact same political beliefs

All across the country, millions of Americans are waking up to the realization that not everyone in the country agrees exactly with their specific political beliefs.

“I just can’t believe that everyone doesn’t agree with me,” complained a barista in Seattle. “I mean everyone in my social bubble—everyone I socialize with and care about—thinks the exact same way. I don’t understand why people in different places don’t.”

The shock has been extremely profound in the aftermath of yet another polarized national election in which Democrats took control of the House of Representatives and Republicans gained in the Senate.

Several people were seen howling into the sky for hours in Wyoming after the realization set in. Another group in Pittsburgh was seen mutilating themselves in protest of people having different opinions than they had. “We are going to light ourselves on fire if everyone doesn’t start agreeing with everything we say all the time!”

“Am I in the Twilight Zone or something?” an Austin native asked rhetorically between bites of brisket. “How can there be so many people out there that disagree with me?”

This shock wave has been felt particularly hard by people in the younger generations (Millennials and Gen Z).

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