BREAKING: Iranian Army Marches Across Southern U.S. Border, Claiming Asylum
US BORDER—An unexpected group has joined the ranks of asylum-seekers at the southern U.S. border – none other than the...
Month: January 2024
Budweiser Clydsdales to return to Super Bowl featuring first trans horse and one who identifies as a paraplegic Swedish bikini model
Get ready for a Super Bowl commercial that's not horsing around – Budweiser's iconic Clydesdales are back, and they've undergone...
BREAKING: Pilot of drone that accidentally killed 3 American service members identified
WASHINGTON, DC—The pilot of the drone that accidentally killed three American service men in Jordan has been identified as President*...
BREAKING: John Bolton hospitalized with a prolonged erection caused by news of war with Iran
CNM News is reporting that former National Security Advisor to President Trump and lifetime hawk has been hospitalized with an...
AOC: Thousands of ducks are killed each day to make duck tape. It needs to end!
Hello, beautiful Earth warriors! It's your friendly neighborhood AOC here, and today, I need to talk to you about a...
Joe Biden seeks to be the first US president to start a world war and a civil war in the same year
President* Joe Biden has reportedly decided to make history by simultaneously kickstarting both World War III and a Civil War,...
BREAKING: Taylor Swift is going to the Super Bowl her first year after being drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs
KANSAS CITY—Taylor swift is going to the Super Bowl in her first year after being drafted by the Kansas City...
NYC to replace Thomas Jefferson statue with a statue of George Floyd robbing a pregnant woman at gunpoint
NEW YORK CITY—In a bold move toward modernizing public spaces, New York City has announced plans to replace the statue...
Texas Razorwire Allowed To Stay After it Identifies As a Harmless Slinky
In a baffling yet oddly poetic turn of events, the controversial razor wire lining the Texas border has declared its...
BREAKING: Biden federalizes Texas National Guard troops, sends them to defend Ukraine’s border
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unexpected twist that could rival the most intricate spy novel, President Joe Biden has taken a decisive...
