BREAKING: John Bolton hospitalized with a prolonged erection caused by news of war with Iran

CNM News is reporting that former National Security Advisor to President Trump and lifetime hawk has been hospitalized with an unexpected erection that has lasted over 24 hours caused by likelihood of war between the US and Iran.

Bolton had made war with Iran his primary focus while in the Trump administration, going so far as to sabotage merchant vessels, making it look like Iran did it. And he was ousted for it.

“The erection has lasted since news broke of the killing of Qassim Suleimani and has not subsided,” Dr. Frank Franklintoes of George Washington University Hospital said.

Bolton is being treated with ice and pictures of peaceful interactions between people around the world.

Not everyone was hard up for war with Iran. Tucker Carlson made the case against it: