Retired ‘Expert Frisker’ Volunteers at TSA to Combat Staffing Shortages
WASHINGTON — Citing chronic underfunding and a “devastating” shortage of qualified airport security personnel, the Transportation Security Administration announced Monday...
Year: 2026
BREAKING: Thune floats discussing several strongly-worded letters about maybe doing something for the American people in two weeks
Washington, D.C. – In a bold escalation of rhetorical force, Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) today solemnly pledged to...
BREAKING: White smoke in Tel Aviv indicates that Israel has chosen a new OnlyFans CEO
TEL AVIV — In a development that has left both religious scholars and content creators equally bewildered, thick plumes of...
France To Advise Iran On How To Surrender With Dignity
Paris, France — In a bold diplomatic initiative that has left international observers alternately baffled and unsurprised, President Emmanuel Macron...
Mamdani Builds $12 Billion ‘Wealth Containment Wall’ Around NYC to Stop Taxpayers From Leaving
NEW YORK — In an emergency mayoral address broadcast from the steps of Gracie Mansion—flanked by a newly installed bronze...
Trump Appoints Afroman Chief Negotiator in Iran Conflict to Deploy Custom Diss Tracks in Bid to Force Regime Surrender
WASHINGTON, DC—In a personnel decision described by White House officials as “unconventional but tremendously effective,” President Donald Trump today appointed...
Women Too Stupid To Get I.D. Relieved To Not Have To Vote Anymore
In a stunning development hailed as both liberating and patriotic, millions of American women have reportedly been freed from the...
Local Trump Voter Surprisingly Okay with Him Doing the Opposite of Everything He Voted For
SPRINGFIELD, USA — Area resident and longtime Trump supporter Dale “Big Truck” Hargrove expressed complete equanimity today upon learning that...
‘$3 Gas is Outrageous!’ Says Woman Happy To Pay $5 Under Biden
Local resident Cora Upshin, a dedicated Democrat and self-described "principled consumer," took to X this week to voice her profound...
AOC congratulates Cuba on achieving Net Zero with recent blackouts
In a groundbreaking development hailed by progressive climate advocates, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) today issued a statement congratulating the Republic...
