Joe Biden doesn’t seem right. Strange speeches, trips, falls, and incoherent ramblings. If he was your grandparent you may think about taking away his car keys but instead, he has the keys to America’s nuclear arsenal. Here are eight health conditions that Biden probably doesn’t have, but it’s fun to speculate.

Psoriasis

Let’s face it, lots of people have Psoriasis. The chances that the current President of the United States is afflicted by this skin condition are pretty high. Psoriasis is an itchy, dry patch of skin that is often found on the scalp, but not always. You can be sure he has a scalp free of Psoriasis because of his thinning hair. His scalp shines brightly under the lights of broadcast television. It is a shame his speeches don’t.

Stuttering

We can be nearly a hundred percent certain that the current occupier of the White House suffers from a speech impediment. It has reportedly affected him since childhood. This is often cited as a reason for his poor performances in press conferences and at the presidential podium. His childhood stutter did not seem to affect him much in his middle age, as can be seen in classic C-SPAN clips. Even his VP speeches lacked this stutter. Perhaps he entered a second childhood of some sort when he passed the age of 75.

Rheumatoid Arthritis 

This condition is pretty much a given considering Biden’s advanced years. He has also been seen wearing one of those copper bracelets that people think help ease the symptoms, but that is probably the placebo effect. 

It was noted in his Presidential medical examination that his walking gait had changed and stiffened in recent years. That could be a sign of some form of arthritis in his joints or spine. His Presidential medical examination also included a routine colonoscopy, giving the President some understanding of what a tax audit is like for a small American business.

Long Covid-19

The President has a persistent cough and has complained to his doctors about tightness and dryness in his throat. It could be long-Covid, but no one seems to be able to agree on exactly what that is. This prevents a diagnosis. He has been double-vaccinated, boosted, and recently had his 2022 update booster. 

The covid vaccines are quickly taking the form of a PC-virus program like Norton or McAfee, though it is unknown if the President was offered a new browser installation with the latest updated booster. Next year there will be a new shot with a new update that prevents the covid virus, trojan horses, and malware from infecting your body or allowing it to be exploited by Nigerian princes who need help with a bank transfer.

Vestibular Balance Disorder

Biden has lost his balance on numerous occasions, most famously on a bike ride while at a complete stop with one foot on the ground. This could happen to anyone, maybe, but when it happens to a President who will be 81 on election day in 2024 people start asking questions. 

This fall off a stationary bicycle came on the back of multiple trips up the steps to Air Force One. Vestibular Balance Disorder is a disruption in the signals that travel from the inner ear to the brain to help maintain balance. Perhaps there is a problem with Biden’s brain that we don’t know about.

Allergies

This is cheating because it is well known that Joe Biden suffers from several seasonal allergies that affect him throughout the year. This is incredibly distressing to the President as their symptoms can negatively impact his sense of smell, which he considers his most important and valuable sense. He once claimed it was his sixth sense, but he was wrong. The White House works hard to help the President maintain his sense of smell, so he does not become anxious, irritable, and depressed.

Poor Sense Of Direction

This condition affects the 46th President of the United States physically, geographically, and politically. Politically he seems to be leading the country in the wrong direction, geographically he seems unsure where exactly he is unless he is in Delaware, and physically he gets lost on a stage. Exit stage left is a common phrase in showbiz, yet like so many words they escape Joe Biden when he needs them most.

Dementia

This is the elephant in the oval office. Frankly, some people have compared the way this poor man is propped up by his handlers and family to elder abuse. They may have a point. Biden drifts in and out of coherency like an unmoored boat in a storm, which is quite an apt metaphor for Joe Biden’s cognitive abilities. Capable of lucid moments, these are becoming fewer and farther between. The road to the next election is going to be a bumpy one, especially if you-know-who is his opponent in 2024.

The President, it seems, is unwell. So is the country, but is he a reflection of the country or is the country a reflection of him? Only time will tell. The truth should be discovered in the next general election unless there are any burst water mains or midnight ballot drops.

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