BREAKING: CIA flubs pathetic assassination attempt on Biden
US—The CIA are getting very rusty. Their pathetic assassination attempt to take out President* Biden ended with five burnt SUVs...
Month: November 2022
FBI Concerned About Outbreak of Free Speech on Twitter
There’s been an explosion of free speech on Twitter since Musk bought the company, and that has the FBI very...
BREAKING: Ukraine asks for another $41B in aid to fund an audit of the previous $92B in aid
KYIV—Ukrainian Volodymyr Zelensky has asked the United States for an additional $41 billion in aid to pay for an audit...
Small businesses are changing their name to ‘Ukraine’ so that Biden will forget to audit them
US—In a great small business hack, companies are changing their name to "Ukraine" so the new Biden IRS will forget...
Local Jewish Man Excited to Learn He Controls Media, Hollywood, Finance Industry, and Legal Profession
It was an ordinary morning for local Jewish man Jacob Weiss. Mr. Weiss, like most Americans, reads the newspaper every...
BREAKING: Pentagon hires Sam Bankman-Fried after proving he can lose money as fast as anyone
US—The Department of Defense has hired embattled cryptocurrency Ponzi schemer Sam Bankman-Fried after he lost $16 billion overnight. "We saw...
GOP to read Constitution aloud on House floor so they know ‘exactly what to ignore when they pass unconstitutional laws later on’
Kevin McCarthy said the entirety of the United States Constitution will be read on the first day of the new...
Biden says African Americans should be able to shop on more than just ‘Black Friday’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden is appalled that stores still have "Black Friday," nearly 60 years after the Civil Rights movement....
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
