WASHINGTON DC—Self Identifying President-Elect Joe Biden died today while giving a celebratory speech about the contested electoral college. Several people noticed.

“If anyone didn’t know it before, we know it—cough—now. What beats deep in the hearts of the American—cough—people is this: Democracy,” Biden told thousands of people through a coughing fit.

Toward the end of the speech, he coughed up one of his lungs and died.

Self Identifying Vice-President-Elect Kamala Harris was ecstatic.

“I didn’t think he would last this long!” Harris said taking the steering wheel of Biden’s ambulance.

Biden has long suffered deteriorating mental health and evidently physical health.

This story is developing.

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