WASHINGTON, DC—In a bizarre Memorial Day service, President* Joe Biden wished everyone a “Happy Thanksgiving,” and saluted “all the fallen turkeys.”

It is the first Memorial Day service where a sitting president honored poultry instead of fallen soldiers.

“This is a very special day for America,” Biden said in a rambling speech at Arlington National Cemetery. “And we need to honor all those birds who gave their lives for our freedom to eat them.”

He tearfully placed a wreath on the tomb of the unknown soldier then added, “Man, I love tryptophan.”

Tryptophan is an α-amino acid that is used in the biosynthesis of proteins. It is commonly thought to be the primary amino acid in turkey.

Nearby, Vice President* Kamala Harris wished everyone a happy long weekend.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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