Pete Buttgieg or as he’s affectionately named “Mayor Pete” is running for president in the Democratic primary for the 2020 election. In a bold move, he has dropped the last half of his name to make sure everyone knows he’s the ‘gay candidate.’

“With such a crowded field,” Pete said, “you need to do something to stand out. And the best thing to do to stand out in the Democratic primary is to make sure everyone knows you have some intersectionality points. I’m a gay man. I have a husband. And he’s gay too!”

Intersectionality is the philosophical mumbo jumbo that rewards people for how oppressed their identity groups have been. Homosexuals have historically been oppressed more than many other intersectional marginalized groups.

“I think it’s a shrewd move,” political analyst Mark Weston said. “You got Robert Francis O’Rourke basically changing his name to ‘Beto’ to pander to the Latino vote and Pocahontas Warren pandering to the Native American vote. Now, Pete Buttgieg—I mean Buttguy—is making it clear who his constituents are.”

Buttguy was a mayor in a medium-sized city in Indiana and has very little reason to be running for president other than the fact that he has some intersectionality points.

“You know Buttigieg is confusing and some people might not get it. ‘Buttguy’ is much clearer for the typical workaday American to understand. ‘Look, I’m the gay one.'” Weston said.

“I’m looking forward to helping America in every way I can. And did I mention I’m gay?” Buttguy added.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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