EL PASO—Failed presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke is flying to the Ukraine to join the fight against the Russians with a battalion of NERF gun sharpshooters.

The anti-gun candidate made his mark on the 2020 presidential primary by promising to get rid of guns. He made all of his security guards use only NERF guns thereafter.

“We just need to support Ukraine in every way possible,” O’Rourke said. “And since Biden isn’t sending troops there, we need to go ourselves.”

And that means several NERF sharpshooters will be joining Ukrainian forces shortly.

“They won’t know what hit them,” O’Rourke said. “And that’s probably because they won’t feel the NERF bullets, but I try not to think about that. Guns are bad!”

Support for Ukraine is unanimous across the spectrum of approved opinions.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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